Friday, November 17, 2006

AMTRAK Adventure Awaits You!

When Betty and Bill Hanus took the train back east last summer they returned with glowing accounts of their trip. I thought that might be a fun way to travel to California and join up with Jacky and return home next week.

Here then is the saga of Ron on the train.

Jim Rose took me over to the train depot in Albany on Tuesday. I thought it was out of friendship but he informed me on the way that he just couldn't figure any other way to get rid of me. He would be a hero when he returned to LVH and I would be gone. Pretty good deal.

At any rate we arrived at the newly renovated station in Albany which is beautiful. They've done a terrific job fixing it up. We arrived 2 hours early... I have this thing about being on time. The Amtrak system does not feel the same way. My 2 hours stretched into 6 hours as the train was delayed outside of Portland... Do you know what the term "heavy metal music" is?

The newly renovated train station has a wonderful new sound system.... Speakers are everywhere so that your soul can be soothed by heavy metal music turned up 4 clicks higher than is comfortable. It never stops.. Go to the restroom a brand new speaker seranades you. Go outside.. speakers at every bench under every kiosk.. all the way to the parking lot. Relentlessly for 6 hours... GAAAAAAAH! ARGHHHH!

Somehow the tinitus (ringing in ears) that I have had since the service provides a welcome releif from the constant barage.. of music???

I get on the train. It is baloney that the seats are not filled and you can switch seats if you don't like the one you have. I'm put in with the Snoring champion of the 4 western states. He is very very good.

Aha! I'll try the dining car. You don't get to sit where you want even if all the tables are empty.. No they seat you with someone you've never met.. part of the charm of rail travel and all. I sit across from Ned who is talking to a guy wearing a black suit from the 1800's with a leather hat with some kind of symbol on it... A yeah.. charm of the rail uhmmm! Well, the tables are all built for skinny people which is another group I don't belong to. Although I am starving the total discomfort of the table and the ambiance of my travel companions leaves me hurriedly finishing the meal and leaving never to return. I subsisted on the sugar free care package that Bonnie Rose packed for me before leaving.

I discover the observation car on my way back and no one is there so I get my book from my assigned seat and head for it. Pretty good but the seats are really stiff. Choice between here or snoresville. An hour later my back is killing me and the train drunks are holding a party all over this car. They include two 45 year old leches tring to glomb onto some 20 year old girls by plying them with drink.. That includes the two strange people from the diner.

Back to the snore champ and across the aisle from me s a couple of ladies with a baby born maybe 32 seconds ago. So it went untill Redding. The Snore King debarked. I fell instantly asleep only to awaken minutes later as the baby decided to express himself.

Sacramento, the baby is gone. Maybe now... Nope here come the hippies. Now this is not going to sound like the truth but I swear on Bill furgason's sox it is. The hippies have a filthy, medium size poodle with a hat on. It is not in a cage .. sits right there in the seat with them no leash, nothing. Train people don't mind at all. She has a melage of clothing nose rings and boots. He is in Levis and an undershirt. Both stink to high heaven. The head drunk from last night moves into the seat in front of them. They are noisy and pungent.. My cup runneth over.

Ariving in San Jose 5 hours late and exhausted. They close the baggage claim area.. No one there. Finally after waiting for someone to show up I go find a ticket person who says they will get it for me.

I love the train... U betcha!

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