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NO NURSING HOME FOR ME!



With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way, when get old and feeble.

I have ascertained that I can get a nice room at the Holiday Inn for around $65 ... that leaves $123 a day for beer, food (room service), laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. They have a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors and all have free shampoo and soap!

Super 8 is somewhat more economical and they have a free breakfast, though you usually have to walk next door for lunch and dinner. (There may be a bit of a wait to get that first floor room, but that's OK. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes!)

There is the Senior Bus, the Handicap bus (if you fake a decent limp), a Church bus or van, cabs, and even a regular bus. For a change of lunch take the Airport Bus and eat at one of the fast food cafes there. The Inn has security, and if someone sees you drop over, they will call an ambulance. And should you break a hip ... the American way is to sue. What more can you ask for?

As a bonus, they all have AARP and other Senior discounts!

So ... When I reach the Golden Age
Please help me keep my grin,
Just check my old, rickety ass
Into the nearest Holiday Inn!

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DRIVERS

Women Drivers ! !

While driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away
for a couple seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, soaked my trousers, ruined the phone and
disconnected the important call.

OH THOSE MEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!

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COMPUTER VIRUS

I received this email from a friend, don't know if it is a hoax or not, but thought I should post on the LVH web page in case it is true. Please see the following message.


In the next several weeks be VERY cautious about opening or launching any e-mails that refer to the World Trade Center or 9/11 in any way, regardless of who sent it. PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, "WTC" STANDS FOR THE WORLD TRADE CENTER. REALLY DANGEROUS BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL OPEN IT RIGHT AWAY, THINKING ITS A STORY RELATING TO 9/11!

BIGGGG TROUBLE !!!! DO NOT OPEN "WTC Survivor" It is a virus that
will erase your whole "C" drive. It will come to you in the form of an E-Mail from a familiar person. I repeat, a friend sent it to me,
but called and warned me before I opened it. He was not so lucky and now he can't even start his computer!

Forward this to everyone in your address book. I would rather receive this 25 times than not at all. So, if you receive an email called "WTC Survivor", do not open it. Delete it right away! This virus removes all dynamic link libraries (.dll files) from your computer.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE!

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This is a test to see if I am in the right place.