Longview Hills @ Newport Oregon

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NO NURSING HOME FOR ME!



With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way, when get old and feeble.

I have ascertained that I can get a nice room at the Holiday Inn for around $65 ... that leaves $123 a day for beer, food (room service), laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. They have a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors and all have free shampoo and soap!

Super 8 is somewhat more economical and they have a free breakfast, though you usually have to walk next door for lunch and dinner. (There may be a bit of a wait to get that first floor room, but that's OK. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes!)

There is the Senior Bus, the Handicap bus (if you fake a decent limp), a Church bus or van, cabs, and even a regular bus. For a change of lunch take the Airport Bus and eat at one of the fast food cafes there. The Inn has security, and if someone sees you drop over, they will call an ambulance. And should you break a hip ... the American way is to sue. What more can you ask for?

As a bonus, they all have AARP and other Senior discounts!

So ... When I reach the Golden Age
Please help me keep my grin,
Just check my old, rickety ass
Into the nearest Holiday Inn!