Calilyforneea Odyese
by ron
When we got here in Beamont, CA. The wind was blowing as it most always does in Beaumont. It is located at the funnel end of the pass from Palm Springs and in the middle of California's Santa Ana wind corridor. It is dry... humidity 15%. It takes a couple of days for me to get acclimated as the temp is in the 90's (gasp!). My nose goes into rebellion mode and starts on demand nose bleeds. It is really hard to keep my finger out of it. (gross I know but this is reality talking here).
Grand kids are here and after an 8 hour drive through some of the most freeway crazed people on earth they are ready with all their puzzles and games. Jacky is up for it but not me. The next four days are me fixing all the stuff that was found during the house inspection and Jacky is packing shelf by shelf. She paces herself well. I on the other hand race into everything full bore. First is the yard gate that allows access to the pool. It is leaning and rubs the sidewalk. My Grandson helps me which is pretty humorous as he is only 5. He has pockets.. Good for storing screws. In trade he only asks to run the electric drill. Rob comes and helps.. scavaging a saw from a fellow (my son was a Marine sergeant) retired Marine Gunnery Sargeant who comes along later to have a laugh at how we are doing.
The gate and I wrestle for most of the day and finally we discover a mounting screw that is 1/4 in diameter that should have been 1/2 in. That caused the gate to lean. Fixed.. nope! Missing paling and opener must be repositioned because the gate is now straight. 90 degrees ugh.
Next up ... Replace the entry door into the garage from the house. Rob put a kitty door in the other one so the katz could go outside. Turns out the door is a solid core door due to a fire regulation and they don't want the cat door in it in order to pass inspection. No you can't just board it up. Has to be replaced. It has hinges that are spring loaded to make the door self-closing
Of course it is a non standard door. These things are cut to fit also the hardware and weather striping will have to be removed and installed precisely as they were on the original door. This takes tools I didn't bring and Rob doesn't have. I go to the local ACE hardware and find a door that can be cut to fit. They will prep the door and put all the hardware on it for $20. DEAL!
This door weighs a ton.. I wrestle it off the wall ... grandson wants to know why I am doing that? I tell him I am breaking Daddy's house. Off he goes to rat me out. Rob helps me wrestle it into the car and I will take it down tomorrow. Rob's pool becons to me and I slide my shoes off and head for a cooling dip.... The water has just melted from some snow fed stream. Myself gets wet no higher than my ankles.
Back in the house I raid the beer supply. Ryan (my grandson awaits. He has his Shogun helmet and sword and a battle axe... he looks determined. Rob (my son) suggests Ryan show me the latest moves from his Karate class. Soon we are in complete all out warfare. I threaten to quit if the sword and battle axe are used. I'm a pussy.
The next morning the door is taken to the hardware and it will be ready that afternoon. The kids left last night for their Mom's home. I have a sore back, split lip and my heel has dried out and split giving me a John Wayne roll to my walk. Two bloody noses today.
The door is finished and I go to get it. They don't want the old one so now I have two doors in the van. I wrestle it out of the van and tote it on the dolly to its new home. Weighs about 70 or 80lbs. Get Jacky to put 3 screws in while I hold it in place. then the other screws go in. The deadbolt and the door mechanism are off by 1/4 of an inch....I quit for the day. At least it appears to fit.
The door is not through with me.. Lacking templates and proper tools I head to the ACE hardware store where they now know me by name. I buy a reamer for my drill figuring to enlarge the holes in the frame and move the frame hardware. Now I find a hammer and chisel would be handy. Make do with a screw driver and a hammer. After reaming and drilling the jamb several times I have a fit on both locks. Now for the spring loaded hinges... I have pins to put in after I increase the tension. Use a nail to pry the hinge around but it bends.. Can't get the tension needed. Back to ACE. Best I can do is an ice pick as a prying tool. ... SNAP! So goes the end of the ice pick..This pretty much takes up the day. Beer and frozen swimming pool...
Wanted a snack about 10pm decided to fix a bowl of Raisin Bran Cereal. Munching and chewing... Snap! Like a gunshot going off in my head.... My top denture has just snapped in two. Now I am toothless on top.
Next day, chapped lips, split lips, split heel no bloody nose ....yet, no teeth. Eat my breakfast gruel and am ready for the door that hates my guts. First the hinges... I find an old drill bit and it fits.. I lever everything and pin the hinge ... it works! But we are not done yet. Now it needs to be painted. Mask off everything and the floor and paint and paint and paint. It takes 3 coats before it looks ok.
Next day.. drive the extra van we brought down to its destination in Artesia. Manage to get myself in the traffic from hell. After diving the van all the way here without an incident I have 2 close calls on the 91 freeway. Rob is following later on he drives like the rest of the maniacs and does not want to be stuck behind me at only 65mph. I gas the van up and ask the attendant where the restroom is? They don't have one. For those of you who have an enlarged postrate you know the feeling. Fortunately sitting down cures the feeling ..Back in the van. I arrive, park the car and go to the apartment complex office. no one home. It is secure you can't get in I call the person... Answering machine no one there. Prostate sending shivers up my spine. back to the van. Call Jacky.. Where is my person. Maybe outback cleaning the garage. Rob follows me into an alley and we find our person. I just want to get to a restroom but have to get the car in the garage for her... Suppose to stay and help unpack but I can't hang on much longer. In the car with Rob.. He misses the first restroom.. Sweat beads on my brow. Finally he finds a Taco Bell but says I may have to pay a quarter to get in.
Back in the car. Rob is silent and drives us home. He is upset.. Something about he lost $3 million in a program he is working on and needs to be back working on it instead of gallivanting all over.
Tense all the way home.
Today, pack.
